Is it because I queefed?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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