Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
