we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
