I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i think my cat just said my name.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
