i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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