shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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