you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
