I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
