i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
