she is the kim kardashian of front butts
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize