I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
