Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
