just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
