You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
