Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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