So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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