Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
