false alarm. still invincible.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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