HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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