you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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