She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is classic penis vs brain.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
