it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
