i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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