my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
