im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
