Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize