got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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