Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
