I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
