I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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