he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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