Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I understand Curling. That high.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize