I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
