She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
