i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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