Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
