Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize