sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize