The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
