So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
