You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize