I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
