I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
