She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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