i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
