happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
