I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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