If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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