I hate your face
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
