Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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