so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
