do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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