I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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