the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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