She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
