I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
