I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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