Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
