She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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