I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
