Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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