I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
