she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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