hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
