Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize