So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
