Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think my moral compass just broke
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
