his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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