what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
