how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
