oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
