Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize