Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
