I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
