i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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