The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
