By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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