i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need water and some morals
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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