it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
