'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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