I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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